Sunday, September 16, 2012

Bad Dreams

I'm going to stop numbering the days because there's no way I'll be able to keep track of them.

Had a bad dream last night involving my ex and now today isn't shaping up to be much better.

Some days you eat the bear and some days the bear eats you.

(On a side note, ever notice that people usually say quotes like this whenever it's the latter?)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Day 8: Qigong

Sorry I've missed posting the last few days. I have been thoroughly unmotivated to meditate, which is a greater sign to me that I need to do more work with my spirituality than ever.

I started with Qigong/Wujishi breathing today. I only did 5-10 minutes of it for today, but I can definitely feel the effects.

I breathe a little deeper and I can feel extra energy flowing through me.

I'm hoping that the more activated stance of Qigong will help me get over my distaste of meditation's passiveness (plus I really just hate sitting cross-legged).

That's all for today!

~May the Force be with you~

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Day 5: Guided Meditations

Seeing as how I forgot to meditate yesterday, it wouldn't have made much sense to make a blog post.

I did the usual guided meditation today. I am beginning to wonder if some of the parts of it detract from the actual goal I am trying to accomplish.

What I mean is, it seems that when I am doing spiritual work I tend to over-think and try too hard.

I might try doing a meditation without the audio tomorrow to see if it helps at all.

Trying too hard can lead to blockages, and visualization can hamper if you aren't the best at visualizing.

"A Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him." ~ Obi-Wan Kenobi

I have to stop thinking and start feeling.

That's all for today.

~Namaste~

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Day 3: Binaural Chakra Balancing

Today I just did an eight minute binaural chakra balancing video.

Binaural beats are where different frequencies are put into the left and right ears (it requires high quality stereo headphones, which I am fortunate enough to possess).

The effects aren't quite evident as of yet, and I had finished the video only seconds before writing this post.

I will make another post later today to update about any noticeable effects.

Namaste~

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Day 2: Fire Breath

Because tonight my friend is coming over for a visit I decided to do my Kundalini meditation early today.

I did the same guided meditation as last night because I enjoyed it.

A couple of things I am noticing are that my back is straining to sit up straight. I guess it has to do with our culture being one where slouching is cool and sitting up straight and walking tall are signs of being uptight.

Fire Breath is my biggest challenge so far. Well, that and the whole "sitting still for 30 minutes" thing.

It's definitely a good abdominal workout. I cannot observe quite yet what purpose it is serving me spiritually. Perhaps it is because I am having a tough time simply doing the technique. Once I get the hang of it, I'll probably start noticing some changes in my meditation (I might also have some visible abs too, *chuckles*).

Well that's all for today.

Namaste~

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Day 1: The Three Breaths

I have now learned three breaths that I will attempt to utilize in order to awaken my Kundalini.

The first is Ocean Breath:
A deep inhale through the nose is followed by a pushing of air out of the mouth as if trying to fog a window (This is just to illustrate the point, and isn't the actual breath). To perform the real breath, do the same thing again, but this time close your mouth so the sound echos from your mouth and out of your nose. Whenever one is meditating and thoughts get the best of them, this sound can help drown them out.

The second is Fire Breath:
A deep inhale through the nose is followed by rapid abdominal expansions and contractions. This action mimics the way dogs breathe, but is different in two ways: you breathe only through your nose, and you only use your stomach and diaphragm to breathe - your chest should only barely move. (This breath can be a bit dangerous so it should only be done in either guided meditation or in very short bursts - never more than a few minutes)

The third is Root Lock:
There is a muscle that rests in the perineum called the Pubococcygeus (or "PC muscle" or "kegel"). Ancient yogis believed that by inhaling deeply through the nose, out through the mouth, tensing the PC muscle and the anus, and then visualizing the energy (visualizing it red helps) running up the spine), they could facilitate a Kundalini awakening faster.

Day 1: Kundalini

Regardless of which systems I move between I carry two certain ideas with me.

One - the presence of a "life force" energy that is endless and permeates all things (Qi, Prana, Mana, Ki, the Force, etc)

Two - this energy coalesces in the body at specific points called Chakras. Chakras can become clogged and act as spiritual choke points, inhibiting our actions and our minds and causing negative outcomes.

Because of my adherence to these ideas, I have decided to take it upon myself to try and open all of my chakras and raise/awaken my Kundalini.

I will post updates about this process as it progresses.

Tonight marks Day 1. I did a guided Kundalini meditation from YouTube and am currently looking up several video guides about awakening the Kundalini safely and permanently.

Monday, September 3, 2012

My Zodiac Profile

Thought it would be interesting to post this. This is my (almost) complete zodiac profile. I took out the few that were about my entire generation:


Rising Sign is in 13 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. "Peace and harmony at all costs" is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.

Sun is in 09 Degrees Cancer.
Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the "vibes" around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, but only when your own needs for emotional support, love and security have been met. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family (especially your mother or the person who played that role for you early on) represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long- enduring memories of the past. No matter how well adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family.

Moon is in 00 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings are very intense, never superficial. You tend to be either very angry or very sad or completely and totally happy. Your moods are deep, extreme and not always completely understood by yourself or by those with whom you have to deal. Emotionally, you tend to prefer to live at the cutting edge of life, pushing your reactions to the ultimate extremes, even if the results are dangerous or upsetting. You are easily jealous and very suspicious -- you require a great deal of emotional reassurance. A good detective, you are very curious about deep and mysterious things, especially human nature and motivations. Be careful not to be ruthless, tactless or too overly frank or you will meet with much resistance from others.

Mercury is in 08 Degrees Cancer.
Your emotions tend to rule your thought processes. You have difficulty seeing life objectively. You have an excellent memory, especially about things to which you have formed an emotional bond. You prefer ideas and thoughts that are known and familiar, and therefore tend to dislike fads or radical ideas. The beliefs and traditions of your family and culture are very important to you. Your thinking becomes quite unclear when you are emotionally shaken -- try not to make major decisions when you are upset. Let things calm down first.

Venus is in 08 Degrees Gemini.
You are friendly, warm, open and tolerant toward others. You love variety in relationships, indeed you may even prefer to maintain more than one relationship at a time! Very witty and humorous, you have the ability to amuse and please others. This makes you quite popular. You love to play the field and thus find it difficult to settle down and make any deep emotional commitments. Your innate charm and vivacity makes you welcome most everywhere you go.

Mars is in 22 Degrees Aries.
You are very independent and self-assertive, and you have lots of physical energy. You are not satisfied unless you can be the first to do something. As such, you are more comfortable in leadership positions than you are as an underling. When you are challenged by anyone for anything, you delight in the competitive process and will fight long and hard for your beliefs. You are bold and courageous and often act without thinking. At times, in your zeal to get ahead, you are tactless and offensive -- learn that cooperation with others can often bring you nearer to your goals quicker because of the support you will get.

Jupiter is in 19 Degrees Cancer.
You must be emotionally secure in order to grow and develop. You are happiest when your family and community support and nourish you and boost your morale. Whether your childhood experiences of love and emotional dependability were positive or negative will set the tone for your emotional growth and stability as an adult. When you feel at ease with yourself, you are able to offer assistance to those who need a helping hand.

Saturn is in 22 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Meds

I just wanna endorse right here and now the usage of adderall. When the world seems to close in around me, I take my adderall and it just makes me think clearly.

I only see the good side in things and nothing seems like it is going to last forever.

I don't want to make it seem like you should be dependent on it, but it definitely helps on days when it just seems like nothing natural is going to work (and I have those often).

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Darkness

Sometimes in order to create balance something must be destroyed.

And it's usually any sense of security or routine you have in this world.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Mordgud and Loki

I left out offerings for both of them tonight. Loki got another shot of tequila and Mordgud is the first being besides myself to taste my first ever batch of mead (I hope she likes it).

I'm curious to see if either of them decides to contact me soon or even at all.

I've still never had any "religious experience" to the point where I was assured that the gods even exist.

It seems like a lot of other people have one without really trying at all so I wonder why I haven't when I've tried several times...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Poems for Loki

The Loki's Prayer
The Loki is my shepherd, I shall not want to do homework.
He maketh me to sit down in my computer chair,
He leadeth me to funny pictures on the internet.
He restoreth my mood, he leadeth me in the path of awesomeness in his own name.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the mundane, I will fear no boredom: for thou art in my backseat;
thy bong and thy lighter, they comfort me.
Surely good times and intoxication shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Loki forever.

Show Me
Break down my inhibitions,
Throw my delusions in my face.
Teach me how to love you,
Put me in my place.

Lead me not to hypocrisy,
But deliver me from greed.
Be my torch, Flame-hair,
In this, my hour of need.

You've been here all along,
If only I knew.
So now I raise my bottle high,
This last shot's for you.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

New Post

It occurs to me that I haven't made a post in a while so I'm going to try writing a poem about not caring about physical appearances off the top of my head before I go to bed.

Here we go.

Luminous Beings
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Can we ever get over it all?
Nothing left for us here.
Nothing but masks.

For who could deny
That we all live with our lie?
Nobody exempt.
The inescapable human condition.

Luminous beings are we,
Not this crude matter.
Tell it to your friends,
You're mad as a hatter.

At the end of the day,
The closing masquerade.
All we really have,
Is ourselves.

Monday, April 9, 2012

What I have seen so far

I felt like I should probably make a post regardless of whether or not I had tried to do the shamanic journeying bit yet.

Here is a list of things I have seen in visions/trances so far:

-When I went on a spirit quest to find my fetch (spirit animal/spirit guide), I saw a dense woods. It was very dark except for a single beam of light breaking through the trees. A stag walked into it.

-I drummed myself (on my thighs, go figure) into a trance at my naturopathy college and saw this: The same woods yet this time it was much brighter (I should mention that this vision and the preceding vision were years apart). My fetch was laying down next to a fallen tree. The next part I can't tell if I'm remembering it correctly or if I made it up (I honestly can't). My father, who had passed away about a year and a half before this, came out and nodded at me.

-Whilst receiving reflexology (look it up), I sort of drifted off and saw a door at the bottom of the ocean. It was covered in seaweed/moss/etc and the stones were together, but their edges were rounded (like they had been worn down by the water over many years). The door was somewhat off-kilter and I felt like I knew what was behind it, but I didn't want to open it and see because it was dangerous. I came to before I made a decision.

Those have been my only three concrete visions that I know I didn't imagine.

Cheers,

Beorc

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hail Loki!

We interrupt this spiritual blog to bring you a breaking announcement:

Ok, it's not really THAT breaking but I felt like it needed mentioning and I had to nix out my previous statement about the journey in good fashion.

Anyway, I recently made prayer beads for Loki at a local pagan group meeting where we all made prayer beads.

I noticed two things peculiar during and after this process respectively:

-a bug that was flying around the room and stopped on the chandelier above me and seemed to be staring at me for most of it

-a strong lightheadedness I felt shortly after the beads were finished and when I was carrying them for the next few days

I think he likes them.

Well, this'll be my last post for today.

The next post will be about the journeying.

I promise.

Cheers,

Beorc

The Saga Begins

Don't you hate it when stories start off with cheesy shit like that?

Well, this is mine. And don't get your hopes up because it probably won't be that interesting.

A few things I should say before we get into my actual accounts with the supernatural:

1) I have ADHD and will probably abandon this blog when something shiny catches my eye

2) As the title suggests, I am overwhelmingly skeptical and cynical when it comes to life. However, I have always been (ironically) a very spiritual person as well. This oxymoron of a personality will illustrate itself in how the day-to-day ramblings of my experiences change in tone over time (one day spiritual stuff will be life-changing, the other it will be fucking stupid to me)

3) Lastly, I use swear words a lot. There isn't much of an explanation for this besides the fact that they add emphasis and can help illustrate points that more refined words often cannot

3b) As an added note to this one: No, I don't speak any of the cool ancient languages and no, I don't write skaldic poetry with vast amounts of imagery and I don't know the structure of these poems or how they were written and frankly I don't give a damn. I have a natural affinity for music, but damn do I hate people who get all into it and rub it in other peoples' faces like they were something special. Personally, I don't even practice the instruments I know anymore. Isn't that a great example of the universe's sense of humor? They give me a few things I'm naturally good at, and don't give me the work ethic or attention span to pursue them. Oh well.

That's all for now. I felt like the first post should just be an introduction and a preview of the upcoming first "official" post of this blog.

My first post shall be my experiences in attempting to "journey," in a shamanic sense, once again. I experienced this the first time late last year (2011) and have wanted to try and recreate it ever since. I am not really expecting anything in particular, I'm just going to try and meditate and see where it takes me.

Cheers,

-Beorc